Enjoy

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.

Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, did
you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"

Mabel answered, "I have a suppository?"

She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw
this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
~~~~~~~~~
When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the
paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.

No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and
complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not
gonorrhea."

Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died
of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him
as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."
~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were
standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and
washed the old woman overboard.

They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old
man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they
found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.

It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of
the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an
oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . please advise."

The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
~~~~~~~~~~
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.

At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when
they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint
moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She
lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and
at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As
they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out:

"Watch that wall!"
~~~~~~~~~~
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench
sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.

She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every
morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and
freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"

She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and
then makes love to me for half the afternoon."

"I said, "Well, why are you crying?"

She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite
dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."

I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"

She said, "I can't remember where I live!"
~~~~~~~~~~~
THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway; the good
fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.