The year's best headlines of 2003

THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2003:


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]


Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]


Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]


Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]


War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that affect!]


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]


Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]


Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough the first time?!]


Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[that's what he gets for eating those beans!]


Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[definitely worthy of a headline!]


Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
[that was really giving of himself!]


Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Texas Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]


Hospitals are sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[boy, are they tall!]


And the winner is....


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[I should think so! ]